Was listening to Jody Wisternoff's Way Out There February 08 and I heard this song with chinese vocals in it and I was like "???!?" So off I went to find out more about the song, and apparently the vox were done by our local Joanna Dong. Granted, I haven't heard of her before, but her vocals were really good, hauntingly beautiful on the track. Kudos to her, its east meets west on a tech house sounding track (Die Kleine Prinzessin by Robosonic, that's the track). So off I went to her Myspace Music profile, and I heard Plathonic which was a collaboration with a local producer Weili (Frontal Labs Weili?) and I was blown away. This track has been on loop since I heard it (and it is still playing now). Lyrics were from I Am Vertical by Sylvia Plath, albeit its just snippets of the poem. Still amazing nonetheless, really hope the local electronic production scene gets bigger, because I believe we have an abundance of talent waiting to burst onto the scene. The indie and rock music scene here has grown tremendously over the past few years, and I can't wait for when the electronica scene comes to life as well.

Best of luck to Joanna Dong and all the local budding producers out there in SG, let's all continue making music and hopefully, we'll make our presence felt.

Ascension, into the clouds above

Always remember.

Here we go, yet again,
through another day,
shrouded in doubt
and misery.
where are you?
my colourful angel
i need you now,
to lift me up from this all.
To carry me up and away,
through these green walls,
and into the great big purple sky.

Hand in hand, off we go
caressing, floating
heart to heart, in our minds
we wish for this to never end
blue, pink, or purple?
you've seen it all
this euphoria, the purity of it all,
i wish for this to never end.

Your touch, ever so light,
so gentle, your eyes,
penetrate right through me,
i'm naked, exposed
i surrender my all
to you.

"Who will find me?
In your midnight eyes,
I see, the summer sunrise."

I've finally realised the usefulness of Facebook, that is, to seek out and re-connect with all the people from our younger days, people who we once knew but have long since lost contact with. Especially so, in my case, where my primary education was in an international school overseas. Over the years, I've tried searching them out one by one, first with ICQ (managing to find only 2), and exasperatingly with Google, to no avail. With the emergence of Facebook, however, I've managed to find quite a few, some of them memorable ones. And how they've changed! Its like, the only image I have of them in my mind was when we were all in Grade 6 in 1997, and when I see the photos of them now, its as if I've time-travelled a decade into the future suddenly, all of them morphing into adults. Time has done good to all of them, handsome lads and pretty girls, and I'm really glad they're all doing well. I do hope to be able to meet at least some of them, someday. Maybe a decade from now? I sure hope I don't have to wait that long again!

Last night was way trippy.

First off, merry christmas to everyone! Much needed break from the monotony that is routine life.

Anyway, after countless occasions of watching the football games from the late 90's till early 2000s, I started thinking back on the various teams that made up the league at that time, and I stumbled upon Leeds United. To think that back then, they had an excellent squad comprising of lee bowyer, vmark viduka, alan smith, harry kewell, paul robinson, rio ferdinand, hasselbaink, ian harte and many more. They were even in contention for the Champions League at one stage! What a pity it is that they had to go down (and a rather hard fall its turning out to be), due to silly errors behind the scenes, risks that didn't need to be taken, and poor planning skills.

Fast forward to the present, and you have them in the 3rd-tier division, plying their trade in the Coca-Cola League One, striving for promotion within this season. So far so good it seems, but i really do hope they get promotoed and make a swift return to the Premiership. Reading up on the history of Leeds United, it seems to be full and rich, marred with controversies, which spices things up somewhat. What gets to me are the fans actually, who've stuck by their team despite its freefall downwards. Such a loyal bunch.

After a seemingly long hiatus from football, this sudden resurgence in interest has definitely sparked off my passion for the game again, and perhaps this time, its not about the superstars, the dazzling techniques, who's the best, who's got the bigger stadium, who has more money to buy players, but more on the team as a whole, striving towards survival, and the people who are genuinely backing them up, not just because they are one of the best teams in the world.

Football is my religion, Elland Road is my church.

So I've finally resigned from my company and ended my work at Wilson & Associates. Not exactly the happiest working environment, but it sure was a fun time. A rather bittersweet ending though, courtesy of yours truly, but all in all, it was a big badaboom fun exit and I sure as hell hope that I didn't ruffle too many feathers on my way out. Of course, I didn't mean any malice, it was just me being my peace-lovin' joy-all-around drunken state. I'm sure deep down, most of the people know that. (Note to self: Never try mixing a concoction of chivas-merlot-beer-pineapple rum ever ever again)

Out of this mess that I've apparently gotten myself into when I first started working there, I've managed to find a few gems that I've grown to bond with, love, and respect, at the same time, bringing closer to me a good pal. I'd never regret working there, and I will miss certain people there, and I can safely say that, finally, after 5 years of searching for good old bonding and friendship, I have finally found it yet again. And its a sweet sweet feeling.

Friends come and go, but mine have been gone for quite awhile. They've finally come yet again. I never want this to end, but I know that we can never stay this close forever. Sooner or later, we'll all head off into different directions, different phases in life, and I wish for that to never happen, but that's just being selfish.

The end is the beginning is the end.

So after weeks of anticipation, Zoukout 2007 was finally upon us last night and it was a blast! But wait just a minute, it didn't start right there, because for the past few weeks, life has been one helluva party. Its mostly to do with the fact that Mom has been out of the country almost a month, giving me full ownership of the house. To take advantage of the situation, a bbq party with the alcoholics from the office was in order. The poison aside, the night was pretty awesome. Set out on a Saturday night in late November, the bbq was held beside the pool downstairs, and I setted up my dj console to play music for the night, as well as everyone who was interested to try their luck at mixing. Great food, and even better company, with a few of us ending up inside the pool, and 2 phones drowning. A recap of the night in visuals...





















































I proceeded to drink just green tea and water for the week that followed that night.

The next big event to look forward to was Zoukout itself, and it was awesome. The whole gang first met up at Suresh's hotel room first, where we hung out for an hour or so before heading out to Siloso Beach via train and monorail. After reaching, we headed straight for the main tent where Ame was spinning (however, The Bead and I got distracted by Steve Aoki's set while enroute to the main tent and we kinda stayed there instead. He was psychedallicallycrazilyawesomeeeee). After everyone gathered together again, Bookashade were on and man they made us dance and cheer like never before. I loved how they used the mike to interact with the crowd, Most purists prefer to use the music to communicate and uplift the crowd, but the usage of the mike in this instance was very effective. After that, we headed over to the mambo tent, and while the others danced, The Bead and I headed to get some drinks and to sit down and rest, in preparation for the long night ahead. We joined the group again soon after, and they were all resting as well. We didn't want to miss the entire Carl Cox set either, so at around 415am we headed back to the main tent and allowed Carl Cox to bombard us with his techno beats, pounding us to 5am, which was when Armin was scheduled to play. By that time, only a few of us are left, as some of the group had to work on Sunday as well. Looking forward to the sunrise with Armin in command, we moved our feet and hands in unison to the tech-sounding rhythms that were driven out by Armin, and as 645am approached, the sky lightened. We were thoroughly exhausted at this point, but the uplifting songs that were being churned out just kept us going. Classics like PVD's For An Angel and Delerium's Silence were an instant hit, and the crowd replied appropriately. When his set ended, there were just 5 of us left, and barring Bernard who was still hitting on angmoh chicks, the 4 of us took off for home.

Much of Sunday was spent on the bed recuperating, and I finally felt fresh enough to get off my lazy ass at around 3pm, only to grab a bite and end up back in bed soon after. As I think back on the night before now, its a night that I would never want to forget. How all the people who were present on that night has affected me in some way or another, the way we hung out at the hotel room, drinking, smoking joints, laughing, having a good time, and how this sooner or later will probably come to an end as we all move onto the next phase in our lives.

So I finally get it. Friends come and go. Especially when they see you as some screw-up, well at least most of the time anyway. Or at least that's the vibe that they give you. What's the point anyway? So you know what, fuck it. What's the difference between before and after anyway. I need to stop using the word anyway.

I seem to have an uncanny ability of making a fool outta myself. So today's lecture was Financial Reporting, and as usual, it was bloody boring. So on and on the lecturer Mr. James Kwan went, droning on about, actually I'm not sure what exactly he was droning on about, but yeah it was utter big-snore stuff. Basically, I was drifting in and out of his teaching, but I did understand what he was teaching, most of it anyway. My mind started drifting off to, I don't know, some random thought, I think it was something like, "Man, I can't wait to get out of this shithole of a place. Hmm, home? Yeah probably. I feel like mixing now. Mmm I can just feel the 2 beats locking together...." and suddenly James Kwan says "Are your listening? Can the people at the back hear me? That guy there -points to me- can you hear me?"

Uh-oh.
Someone pass me a shovel, or a paper bag, please.

And on he went, pointing and asking. Sneaking a side glance at Pingyi and Rachel didn't instill much confidence in me. Their eyes were saying "Not me not me not me not me not me, I don't know I don't know I don't know".

"Ahh not really sir, could you speak up a little?", I went.

"HUH?"

"Err, could you speak up a little?"

"If you cannot hear me, YOU MOVE TO THE FRONT HERE AND SIT, HERE GOT PLENTY OF SEATS."

"okay." "after the break sir." followed by a lameass thumbsup sign by me.

I could still use that shovel.

Anyway, I didn't move to the front after the break, and he pretty much didn't care/forgot about the incident anyway. Oh and he did lambast another guy in the same row for looking sideways throughout the lecture. To top it off, I slept like an idiot on the bus again with my head bobbing everywhere. Actually not exactly bobbing, more like, sliding all over the place, 'cos I was leaning my head backwards. Not quite sure if my mouth was gaping open, I sure hope not. One of the reasons why I choose to sit rightttt at the back of the bus, so that no one can see me in my "drunken" stupor. Jeez.

So I'll write my little love song
And I'll sing it to the wind
'Cos I'm lonely here without you
You love me then you leave me, yet I lie here still
Pressing fingers, where your kisses have been

And I miss you.

After a long-ass unexpected 4-month long hiatus from the online world, I'm finally back with a blog entry. So basically I started work not on the 28th as stated in my previous entry, but THE VERY NEXT DAY after my exams ended. Armed with my rather useless knowledge of basic accounting I entered the world of interior and architectural design with an international company called Wilson & Associates. Thankfully, I'm just a part-timer saikang warrior (trust me the designing part is really shitty, really a lotta work involved). Thereafter, I sort of disappeared off the face of the earth. Work totally consumed my life, and as a backlash I made sure I squeezed as much fun as I could from the weekends, which just made me all tired and exhausted until I fell really ill (read: 39.6 C fever with all the usual ailments a flu bug brings). As I lay there on my couch shivering that Wednesday night, I decided that I shall stop work early before I start school because I needed a good proper holiday break. On a side note, I would like to say that the people in the office are a really fun buncha people. They really work hard and play hard, and I mean, really HARD. They go back to work sometimes on weekends, and they skip lunches to do their presentations, meetings and their boards. When the fun starts, however, they really do know how to party. Binu and Suresh, the 2 suave charmers in the office, are just awesome. Charismatic and humorous, they bring a smile to everyone's face. The other part-timers, Jeb, Cass, Shiying, Soleha, they have been great. Really miss the days when Jeb and I were in the office working together, it was brilliant, because it didn't even feel like you were working! It was just fun all the way and the best part was, we're on really good terms so there was no facade bullshit whatsoever. Cass is the 5pm food queen 'cos she saves us all from imminent starvation by buying Old Chang Kee at 5pm sharp, provided she actually came to the office la haha. Shiying and Soleha are these 2 poly girls who gave much needed help, especially so since they've been there much longer than me, so their guidance was essential to me integrating into the workflow smoothly. I'll still be working during my studies, but its not gonna be the same as before, mostly because some of the staff have tendered their resignation (stress-related, time off, change of environment etc). I'll be missing the weekly Friday drinking sessions, and these sessions are really lotsa fun, more photos and videos to be uploaded soon. Lastly, the people of Blue Plate are probably the best buncha people, Wang, Zarra, Prem, Joahna, Vi Pin, oh man awesome people. I'll miss Wang and his chiding remarks about my drinking capacity haha, definitely.

Anyhow, here I am now, resting my lazy ass on the black suede armchair in front of my newly-assembled computer (22in widescreen lcd monitor babyyy), and nothing's much changed. Results were released yesterday, and thankfully, I passed all my modules so that's that, what a relief. Rachel passed all of hers too, so that's a plus. We're all just waiting for lessons to start next monday, and the starting time's been moved from 0900 to 0830 so I'm pretty much screwed. Half an hour is a lifetime when you're chronically sleep-deficient. We just had an AJ gathering last night at Iswaree's place, got to meet up with people from my 09/02 AJC class. Everyone still looks pretty much the same, Zhijian looks like he never aged, its as if he just took off hi AJC uniform, stepped into Jean Yip for some slimming and came out to meet us. Hatta still the same, the cool bro. Huiyi and Jansy still the same, anyway I've met up with them previously already so they don't count as long-lost friends haha. Its good to see that everyone's all doing well, maybe we'll have another gathering soon enough, 'cos it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be.

Irrelevantly, with work comes income, and with income comes purchases. So I've been splurging quite a bit, bought a new phone to replace the ruined 6280, a M-Audio Axiom 25 MIDI keyboard, the new computer, shoes and stuff like that. Also, I went to catch Paul Van Dyk at Zouk on Saturday night, and it was great! Was out with Pele and this chick of his, but he had to leave midway through to send her home. I stayed on, of course. Ain't nothing gonna stop me from seeing the laptop man in action, and I'm glad I pressed on because it was just awesome all the way through, and the basskick was really pounding, like walls of sonic waves just beating the crap outta me, just gotta love it!

The exams are nearing and somehow the fear and apprehension hasn't exactly kicked in yet, if at all. Its not that I wanna be relac jack and heck care the exams, I've been trying to stay in my seat and mug my way through, although its proving real difficult to. Hey, at least I'm trying. So Accounting was rather okay today, did my first sample paper and the questions didn't look that scary as compared to last week. I'm just really fearful for Econs because 1) I suck at it. 2) Inability to fully grasp certain concepts and apply it appropriately 3) Graphs are not my kinda thing. Arghhhh.

Asides from trying to wreck my brains on Econs, I've been listening to other sounds apart from the usual trance sets, and so I chanced upon 16 Bit Lolitas' set at Warsaw. Pretty good stuff, although I used to get rather turned off by all the proggy house sounds. I guess my tastes have changed somewhat, been listening to Jody Wisternoff's Way Out There series as well. Speaking of which, Judge Jules is playing tonight at MOS and I'm missing out because of the exams. I did actually agree to going with The Bead but she sternly reprimanded me and said I'm not going anywhere tonight. So much for that. It'd be really nice to actually see him spin live since I'm a fan of his Saturday Warmup shows on Radio 1, along with Eddie Halliwell's show.

I have resorted to retail therapy to de-stress myself from all the exam stress, and so I've purchased Rank 1's Breathing (with the Breaks remix) from Tommy Boy Silver, as well as the Limited Edition vinyl of Life Less Ordinary by Alex Morph. Okay so it was a rather impulsive buy after hearing both tracks played out one after another in ASOT 250, but I'm not regretting it. Unfortunately that means I'm broke for the month, because I've added a brand new CDJ-200 to the growing number of equipment on my desk as well. Its my birthday gift, but I still had to chip in for it, rendering me financially broke at the same time. The Beatport cart is growing everyday due to me not being able to pay for anything now, and when money finally comes in, it'll all go out to my Beatport purchases (currently standing at USD$60). Luckily, I've found employment for the hols, in fact, I start almost immediately. Exams end on the 24th, and I start work on the 28th. Can't wait for the exams to end, so I can start work, and have fun proper.

Mom's leaving for Cambodia once again during June for 2 weeks, which leaves me 2 weeks of sole ownership of the house. Can't wait for that either.

Radio Eclectica's been doing okay so far, not exactly the big bang I wanted, but I've come to terms with it. I guess I expected too much, its an internet radio station after all, getting people to listen to it is always gonna be difficult, and the choice of music being played out is rather niche, which makes the task rather monumental considering the typical Singaporean's openness to new sounds. However, to some of the faithful listeners, the music has been good, and some have actually requested the artist and title of songs being played, which is good! The main draw is the Tranquility Sessions, accompanying people working/studying late as lush sounds pour out of their speakers. The Headbangers turned out pretty well too, pretty much set the clubbing mood for people who were stuck at home, for some at least haha.

Last but not least, the blog title is a phrase from Scrubs, where Jack (Cox's son) says the exact same phrase to him. Cracked me up, that scene.

School has officially ended awhile back, and despite the exams coming up in May, I'm still pretty much slacking, which isn't right, but it feeeeeelllllssss sooooo gooooooddd woooooo (apart from the 5-second guilt that kicks in when I lay on my bed at night).

Revision units have started and its a bore. Not as informative as I thought it'd be, and personally, I feel I'll be better off staying at home and slogging away on the notes myself. BUT. It's all been paid so I guess I'll just have to attend the lectures and see what's what. I can always leave early if I wanted to anyway.

On the home front, CNY breezed by, Dad's made his annual CNY roundabout trip. He's coming back again during mid-April, which will be of good news since he has a way with Mom.

Bought a used MIJ Fender Telecaster right after CNY, its my first proper guitar (aside from the cheap guitars that have been sold to me 3rd hand) and I'm enjoying every bit of it! Bought a EHX Double Muff to go along with it, and yes, its my first "proper" pedal (aside from the Zoom multifx pedal I bought and sold, which sounded rather digital-ish). The old guitar has now been passed over to The Bead who's attempting to learn the guitar. We've been trying to write simple silly songs as well just to have some fun. I must say, songwriting isn't as easy as it seems. Lyrics are difficult to write, even the lame ones.

On the electronic music front, I've taken a liking for older trance sets, and I've been listening to Oakenfold's Essential Mix from way back in 1999, and yes, he sure does know how to mix a good set. PVD's Energy 2003 set is another one that keeps me moving, especially the starting. The older tracks are actually less produced than the current songs, they seem simpler in construction. In fact, the simplicity is probably what's drawing me towards them at the moment. The breakdowns don't seem that drawn out either (although this could be due to track selection), all in all, I'm digging it.

All this led me to doing a practise mix just before I started this entry. Its been ages since I did an actual mix that lasted an hour or more, what with the guitar and The Bead's computer, but it felt so good this time around. Partly because somehow, I miraculously didn't screw up any beatmatching or EQ-ing, and everything just blended. I was intending to do a retro-trance mix, but due to a lack of material, I had to use the 4-CD A State Of Trance Classics collection, which was rather meagre in track variety. However, most of the tracks are awesome classic tracks, and mixing them one after another was just something that I really really enjoyed. Favourite portion was Underworld's Born Slippy to Motorcycle's As The Rush Comes, blending in the intro drum beats of As The Rush Comes to the solo thumping bass beats in the middle of Born Slippy. By the end of it all, I was sweating all over from jumping up and down profusely like a madman, and still craving for more. But alas! No more tracks already. Sad. Shall go to Beatport and buy tracks soon. 90s trance here I come!

Sometimes it doesn't matter whether the world seems to be crumbling apart. WIth days like these, its a pity that no one ever seems to have a chance to stop whatever they're doing, have a look around, and just take everything in.

The azure sky is just amazing.

That emotive post-rock sound of Explosions In The Sky sets the tone for the backdrop.

The slight breeze gently sweeping the half-drawn curtain to and fro.

The receding afternoon sun casting vaguely shaped shadows across the living room floor.

A cup of tea.

And those darn notes.

Lovely.

Its the monsoon season now, and nothing brings more joy then to coop up in the comfort of your own house, all alone, with only the faint sound of light alternative rock coming out of the slightly muted laptop speakers accompanying you. Oh, and the pattering of rain against the window pane, the dull rumbling of thunder, the occasional flash of lightning. Its been a long time since I've been in an emo mood, and I guess this is one of them. It all started in the morning, during the bus ride to school. As my house is quite some distance away from SIM, the bus ride to school is horribly long. On the usual dry sunny morning, the bus will be filled to the brim with people, and the morning sun will attempt to arouse me from my travelling slumber. Today, however, was a rather different setting. There was a cold morning breeze, the bus was unusually empty, and it was an air-conditioned double decker (I usually catch the single deck or non-air-conditioned double deck). It has rained last night, which was apparent from the wet ground. The windows were slightly foggy, and the dark grey ominous-looking rainclouds still loomed overhead, threatening to spill forth its contents all over us. Slipping my headphones into my ears, the voice of Lisa Loeb settled me into this rather slow moving day, and everything felt so, I don't know, emo?

Anyway, its been awhile since I've updated this thing. Major events that happened were probably Armin Van Buuren at Zouk (amazing night!), followed by Zoukout '06.
Some photos from the events:








































The videos are uploaded into the Vids section, more happening la than the photos. Couldn't take proper shots of the crowd that night.

Our soccer team has started to prepare for the upcoming season, with our first pre-season friendly taking place yesterday morning. Playing against an unknown team in rather horrendous water-logged pitch conditions, we eked out a 1-1 draw. However, I believe that the scoreline flatters the opposition, because if the pitch wasn't waterlogged, we'd have been 4-0 up by halftime. I started as a second half substitute, and I thought I played okay. Fitness is totally not there (as usual), but there were a few chances which I thought I should've at least had a shot. (Note to self: Stop hesitating! Just take the bloody shot already!) And playing with Chiloong and Chengwei upfront was a real pleasure, its like, we click. So many throughballs that were damn nice but the ball just skidded away upon hitting the ground, so it was always a tad too far ahead. Oh well.

I DJ-ed outside of my bedroom for the first time last night, at my gf's bro's 21st birthday party. He told me to keep the music light, so I took whatever deep house vinyl I bought from Guo Jie when I started mixing, and with whatever deephouse songs I have on my burnt CDRs and off I went. The volume was already too soft to start with, but I guess it was alright. After awhile, I got bored and decided to sellout and played more recognisable songs like Sexyback, London Bridge blahblah you get the idea. The few who were actually listening seemed to like it and got into the music. The rest were too busy yaddling away haha, but all in all a fun night. Also got to know my gf's cousins better, Natalie and Nicholas. First impressions are that Natalie's a rather jovial person, fun to talk to. Nicholas seems to be an inquisitive technical person, and well-versed in photography as well as sound systems.

Jansy's birthday party was held yesterday too, but I couldn't attend as I was at my gf's bro's party, so my apologies go out to her. Sorry Jansyyyy. Not as if she even knows I have a blog, but I guess I should apologise anyway. I think Jansy, Huiyi, Hatta, and I will meet up on a separate date to celebrate her birthday. Rachel's overseas (Hongkong shopping trip, so lucky la) since Thursday, but she's back yesterday already. Actually more like early this morning ah, anyway I'll be seeing her tomorrow, so can hear whatever stories she has from her trip.





"And you say, I only hear what I want to."

Don't we all?

Met up with the guys on Saturday to celebrate the November babies and one super belated September baby (namely Jeffrey Leow, Benjamin Tung and belated Tan Chiloong). Was supposed to go to Ajisen @ Plaza Singapura originally, but we're damn sick of that already so we ended up at this Fishermen's restaurant, also at PS. The food wasn't too bad, although I was expecting more since the queue outside it was insanely long. It was superb to see everyone together again, it was literally the 2-row clique from Class 4B, because the 6 of us occupied 2 rows on the extreme right during our secondary school days. Yes, we were the only class with groups of 3 instead of sitting in the usual pair. My seating group consisted of ben jeff me, with me on the extreme right against the wall, and just behind us were chiloong chengwei jasper. Since we were so close, we were always talking and crapping all day long. The memories man, forever vivid. Its heartwarming to see that almost 6 years on, we're still keeping in touch and maintaining contact. I had the Grilled Seafood Platter for 2, shared it with Jeff, and we couldn't finish it. After much crapping and eating, we headed on to Selegie to play some pool, and man I think I spent more time laughing away than the actual playing. Jasper was being ego again because he kept whipping our asses (that was before he started losing), and Ben was back to his usual pro-pool self, Chiloong was making lameass remarks which ignited all the laughing, while Jeffrey was having trouble hitting the ball straight (but eventually winning Ben haha). Chengwei was a silent killer, style ah.
After the pool game, we all decided to head on to Jasper's place for the Man Utd - Sheffield United game, and we were joined by Chengzhi, Chengwei's younger bro, another super talk cock guy. Man Utd came out tops with a less-than-convincing 2-1 victory, and all of them except me left for home. I had no plans the next day so I could afford to stayover. By the time we slept it was around 3+, and I left after breakfast with Jasper the next morning.
Irrelevantly, I learnt something about a friend which I'd never have guessed, but yet it doesn't surprise me as much. I do, however, feel for her. Living with guilt is never an easy thing, and having to hide that guilt probably adds to the anguish. What's more, you have to guard the secret from the ones you love for fear of them being disappointed and losing their trust in you.

Its 3+pm on a lazy Sunday afternoon, and absolutely nothing's happening right now. Everything's so dead currently, even the wind's stop. The trees are standing still, its like time just stopped or something. I guess I should be studying and mugging but I'm finding it so hard to, just really unmotivated and uninspired. So here I am, typing away to Groove Armada's Raising The Stakes when I should really be looking at my Banking and Finance notes (test on Wednesday) and trying to figure out how exactly to use all the funny formulae that's scattered all over Chapter 7.
Aside from being grouchy that today's Sunday and tomorrow's the start of yet another school week, everything else is fine. On the homefront, peace and tranquility because my Dad's back and my Mom's happy. But he's flying off again on Tuesday so its back to the mundane routine of figuring out what's for dinner at night this coming week. Girlfriend's same ol' same ol', which is a good thing. I've learnt (sort of) the butterfly stroke courtesy of her the past week, now I just need to figure out how to stay afloat while doing it. Fell slightly ill over the weekend, but I've somehow managed to run off the symptoms and I'm sort of fine, for now at least. I think its due to the lack of sleep from all the last minute work I've been doing for my tutorials and assignments. Really need to start work once its been given, procrastination kills.
I just recently got news that I'll be home alone for most of December, as my Mom makes her trip to Cambodia to live with my Dad, which is a good and bad thing. For the good stuff, my Mom gets to be with my Dad. I get to have my own bachelor pad. I get to move the TV, the fridge, the microwave, into my room (okay just the TV la, the rest no space). Which means my room will be SCV enabled, so I don't see any need to leave my room unless its for essential needs, namely toilet breaks and food + water. I can live in air con bliss for the whole of December.

The bad? Eating out every single meal. Argh. No eating out at nice places, expenses paid for. Actually that's basically it haha.

Jebu finally ORDs tomorrow, it seemed so long ago when I was still in camp and we were discussing our ORD dates, and how I'd be making fun of Jebu's date. Fun times those were, and I'll be meeting him this Friday for a skating session, finally! Its been so long since I've seen him, let alone skate with him. I hope he's finally gotten his ollie right, and I better start practicing my kickflips, 'cos I think I've lost almost everything already. Its been so long since I skated properly.

On the music front, I'm looking forward to Armin Van Buuren at Zouk! I've never seen him live before, and I'm hoping he makes it a blast. Probably will be going with Pele, since we're both tranceheads. Been listening less of trance at home though, I have been starting to listen to some deep house as well as get more house songs. I think its true that tranceheads will somehow meddle around with house tunes after awhile. Trance alone is too cold and static sometimes.

I was watching Scrubs (again) recently, and there were 2 that kinda stuck in my head even after I was done with them. One was where JD was losing respect from his interns and how he felt so alone despite having his friends around him. More specifically, it was this quote that stuck with me

"‘Cos nothing sucks more than feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around you."

Not sure how many people have actually gone through that before, but it brought back memories. When you somehow feel like no one understands what you're going through, even though some of them are your close friends, and how you feel isolated, boxed out.

The other episode was when Elliot was in a really deep mess, and she couldn't seem to get her life sorted out. When JD Turk and Elliot were the on-call residents that night, they needed to help one another out, but Elliot was left out because she was deemed as crap. Once again, the quote was the one that stuck out.

"Being such a mess that your friends don’t even ask for your help, that’s the bottom of the barrel."

That's like, the JC days for me. I've actually done some thinking on my JC days, which my girlfriend titled The Lost Days. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing back then, I was wasting away my life, and my opportunities. Of course I was a mess. I couldn't do a simple Chem J1 question when I was a J2 student, about to take my A's. I was a complete idiot. My friends, hell, everyone, knew I was a mess. My teachers loathed me, my friends tried to spur me on but to no avail, and my parents were disappointed with me. I had no idea why I didn't just study though, it was almost as if I was certain that even if I tried, I'd fail anyway. Not to mention I was still a rebellious childish kid who thought that despite all this I could still pull a miracle and prove everyone wrong. How wrong I was. To sum it up, I was a rebellious, self-deluding low self-esteemed kid who thought everyone else was wrong except me.

Thank goodness that's all in the past.

Manchester United 2 Liverpool 0

Hell yeah. It was an amazing match! Watched it over at Jasper's place, along with Chengwei Harish and Sadu. Oh and Jasmine, Jasper's sister. Pizza, soft drinks, lotsa cheering and heart-stopping moments! It was great 'cos I usually don't talk that much to Harish and Sadu, and it was really great to catch up with them. Besides the obviously-great match, the conversation I had after the match with Harish was particularly thought-provoking. He said he wanted to quit school, and start learning. Now, Harish is a smart responsible guy. He was our class monitor for 2 years running (Sec. 3 and 4), went to VJC, and did well to get into NUS Engineering. So why? Well, he said he's not learning, he's just mugging and doing what he feels is needed to just get a certificate/degree at the end of his tertiary education, just so that he can get a job. A job which he'll probably find not much satisfaction in, because its not what he wants to do. I thought he was joking at first, but apparently I was wrong. He's still making plans, exploring options, but he's dead serious about it. I didn't have much time to probe further, but he did mention that he'd rather do something he likes, and something that he deems meaningful, rather than "join the rat race, the working world to put it nicely". I'm not sure how he's intending to do it, but even just considering this option is courageous enough. He's actually thinking for himself, deciding his own future, making his own way into uncharted territory, and not just following the usual education pathway that Singaporeans, in general, take. Of course, I'm still left pondering on how he'd go about making this work. Without official qualification, it is difficult to get employed in Singapore. You don't get money without a job, and without money, you can't do your own start-up. I hope he thinks through carefully before making his final decision.

I had this friend of mine messaged me via MSN last night. He's currently studying in Australia, and he's a friend I made during my army days in 30SCE. Apparently he's feeling rather isolated there, and he spoke to me about it. To cut things short, he's having problems with his group of friends. There's been some political bullshit going on, and now he's being backstabbed. Unsure of what is exactly going on over there, and not wanting to aggravate the situation further, I told him to stand firm and stay positive. Just be yourself, I said. Those who see you for you are will eventually come through for you. Those who don't, well, they're not worth bothering over. Throughout the whole conversation, I could feel the despondence on his side. I mean, you're already in some faraway land, and whatever close friends you have here, you can only talk to them via online chatting or perhaps the occasional short phonecall. Which isn't much. You share a room with roommates, and you hardly have any privacy. Living with other people is stressful, I'm telling you. Any stay-in NSF will know how it feels. You just can't do anything you want freely, gotta be considerate and be sensitive towards other people's thoughts and feelings. That isn't much of a problem, but what if the other people go overboard? And you gradually feel like you're giving in all the time, and that's where all the frustration starts. So you have all that nonsense going on, and now your friends decide to backstab you, and perhaps start bad-mouthing you to others. I guess I can understand why he's feeling the way he is. He says he's gonna go solo for now, and stay away from people. I gave him my best regards, and told him that if he needed to talk, I'm always free. Not as if I have lotsa stuff going on in my life anyway. Mind you, this guy is quite a pleasant person, and I always thought he was a rather determined, strong-willed fellow in camp. Its disheartening to see him in this state... People can be such evil creatures.

It seems to me that quiet people can be easily misunderstood. Some of my friends mistake me for being offended when I'm not at all, far from it. Of course, those who know me really well, those I'm comfortable with, know that I'm this crazy talk shit guy who can talk non-stop, but to others I'm less familiar with, I could seem cold, seemingly distant at times. Its not that I'm acting this way on purpose, its just that I'm like that, its me.

Just ate the slice of choco fudge cheesecake that The Bead baked. Tasty stuff man. Usually one to point out the flaws quickly, but this time I really couldn't find anything wrong it. It's just right. Not one for diabetics though.

In this masquerade which we call life, it is often exhausting and stressful to stay true to one's self. To those who believe in doing so and are putting their utmost effort, I say kudos to you, because more often than not, people tend to get alienated for doing just that: being themselves.